Though it is easily the most vertebrae-rattlingly perfect hip-hop song since Kanye joined forces with Daft Punk, I have a couple of issues with Usher's "Love in this Club" -- mainly that it sends something of a paradoxical message.
Let's take a quick look at the chorus refrain.
I wanna make love in this club (in this club, in this club, in this club)
I wanna make love in this club (in this club, in this club, in this club)
If the song was called "Sex in this Club", I would have no issue, but as someone who has participated in her fair share of bar hookups, I can tell you with absolute confidence that no one "makes love" in this, or any, club. You make love in the middle of a field in the rain or on 900 count sheets. In the club, you're basically relegated to some quick and dirty fucking -- which can be satisfying on some level, but it's rarely as hot as you might imagine. In my experience, it's usually difficult and begins trying my patience after the fourth time I have to mumble huffily, "Nope. Stop. You're not in me. You're out."
Your options for bar sex are fairly limited. You're pretty much always going to have to stand up, which can be a recipe for disaster depending on relative heights/experience/levels of intoxication. And, unless there is some sufficiently empty outdoor area or extremely dark corner, you're probably going to end up in the bathroom.* Oddly, I have never had sex in a women's bathroom. I always end up getting drug into the men's room which is, by definition, disgusting.
*Young Jeezy apparently recognizes this truth:
You meet me in the bathroom yeah you know I’m trying go
In movies, bathrooms are always empty when a couple is trying to have sex in them. In real life, there are a bunch of loud guys using the urinals and guffawing when they see a pair of high-heeled feet in the stall. Often, they'll stick around to see if they can catch a glimpse or a listen of the action. This can make things a little awkward when you finally emerge from doing the deed. Maybe not for Usher, who clearly states:
Keep it up girl and I swear
I'ma give it to you non-stop
And I don't care who's watchin
watchin, watchin (watchin, watchin)
But, being apparently slightly more self-conscious then Usher, I get a little unnerved.
So, please friends, enjoy the sweet croonings of Usher. Enjoy the seamlessly integrated techno beats in the background of the song. Get an eyeful of his vaunted dancing.
But do not, DO NOT, expect to go to make love in the club. Because it's just not happening.
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1 comments:
While I appreciate and understand your concerns about the practicality of this song, I do believe that you have failed to listen to Love in This Club, Part 2, where the lady has a chance to respond to the young man's advances. Here the object of this Usher's affection says:
Baby you know i'd be down
But we cant have all these people staring standin' around
This right here is only for your eyes to see
But you getting carried away saying we can do it wherever.
She also expresses concern about the velvet rope not being able to hold her up and the fact that the bouncers might walk in on them. Two very valid points.
So don't fret- Queen B knows her limits and would really prefer to wait to make love.. that is, until they get in the car.
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